Thursday, July 14, 2005

This time, it's different?!

I've said that so many times before and I've meant it, each and every time.

Today scares the shit out of me!
I am scared of this disease, scared of people, scared of my Fifth Step, scared of trusting my new sponsor,scared I'll fuck up 'this time' too!
Sometimes I don't know where all this fear comes from... it's just there.

Cunning, baffling, powerful...

As I was preparing to finish this rant, the phone rang.
It was a message from God.
The person on the other end was from MADD, she told me that 47 people die at the hands of a drunk driver every day and various other horrifying statistics.
I felt guilty listening, because I could have easily taken one of those lives while I was 'out there'... I am grateful to have made it back alive and especially grateful I didn't kill anyone in the process.
Suddenly I don't feel so scared and my rant seems irrelavent.
Thank you God for revealing your presence to me with a good dose of humility and a lot of gratitude!
Time to start this day over again.



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